number 11

days are moving, i'm not. when it's closing time i can put a smile in my face thinking hey, i got through the day and i'm still breathing. it's time to go home and i'm dying to rid the myself with the more than an hour ride home. probably the second worst part of the day, worst would be the ride to work.

always something there to remind me as the song goes. burning-up everything and anything with even a slight connection won't make things better. so why bother? i treasure the memories anyway. but in every corner of the street, every spot along the railtrack, every turn of the eye, there she is. what can i do?

i've been thinking of having a new job or even leaving the country. thoughts i never considered until my heart stopped beating. but desperate times call for desparate measures, i'm willing to try anything to make things easier, to be happy, or at least not sad. my alcohol levels are reaching new highs. i'm not far from a fatty liver but somehow it helps me sleep soundly.

yesterday i was given a bribe by the office. ten thousand pesos for a job well done in 2008. and i think i deserve that. my consuelo de bobo. after all this company's abusive ways was a huge part of this fall-out. so i spent a tenth of the bribe to have dinner with my officemates and probably grab a couple of bottles of beer. i had three. but it didn't help at all. i fell asleep quickly but again i woke up in the middle of the night thinking about her. please make this stop. i woke up again around 4am and again at 5. this too shall pass. yeah, right.

this is blog number 11.