miracles still happen...

a month away 'til judgment day, i'm starting to have recurring reality checks. after taking the challenge, doubts resurfaced. now i'm just praying to pass the board exam nothing more and nothing less. by now, a top placer should have at least finished his or her review and would only use the time remaining to tune up and polish the brain. as for me, i'm only halfway done, struggling to move forward. i'm even keeping my blog active instead of burning pages.

i went to my room and the review materials were just waiting to be utilized. i chose to caress the remote instead and focused on the tube. after watching the controversial monaco grand prix, i shifted my attention to PBB teen edition. mr. pure energy was a special guest at the house and entertained the big four. gary v., an all around performer and an inspiration himself; a diagnosed diabetic at 14, living the good life at 41. and as he shared his life story and imparted wisdom to the PBB teens, a simple thought rejuvenated my spirit: "miracles still happen..."

a month away 'til judgment day, i can only do so much. but with God's grace, "so much" might just be enough to catch people off-guard and make a name. then i myself will be an inspiration, God willing.

cramming

cram (kram) v. cramming. Informal. To study hastily for an impending examination.

a very familiar concept, i've been cramming since i started taking exams. an exam announced weeks before, a study time of 1 night, an average result. i admire people who can study days or even weeks before an exam. studying's just not my thing.

roughly 6 weeks 'til the big one, i'm back to my old ways. months before, i was thinking that i'd start studying early, isolate myself as much as possible, and focus on the task at hand. yeah right, that could happen. i'm now short on time wondering if i could still make it.

and a "there's not enough time" speech by a lecturer did not help at all. shifting from jokes to a serious tone, he advised students reviewing as the last batch not to take the board exams this july because there isn't much time left to prepare. though i already made up my mind to take the upcoming exam, i'd be lying if i said the speech didn't bug me. but i already took the challenge and i 'm no quitter. there's not enough time? i say there's not enough time to think about backing out. i'm a master crammer and the present situation is just the perfect stage to prove that.

4K

i know you've been through a lot
your life story is with a twisted plot
the inner person, you somehow forgot
caught up in a moment, rejecting a dot

though bounded by distance, i can feel the pain
more downs than ups, it's driving you insane
fate of the unlucky, a lot to complain
cry yourself to sleep, i'll soak-up the rain

believe me when i say "it's gonna be okay"
listen to my words, don't push me away
never lose faith, i know i'll see the day
when you'll be happy, when you'll be kaye...

shifting gears

with still a week 'til my scheduled review class, i started to attend reviews as early as last week. i was afraid that may 15 was too late a start for a july 4 board exam. knowing myself, i know that any opportunity to stay home and soak in leisure, i would grab in a snap. and though i've attended a few lessons, i can't say i'm ready to study for the boards. but i'll get there.

i've been telling people that i'll top the boards, obviously a joke. i know no one would believe in someone who stretched a 5-year course to 7 years, to make it big. seven years of hanging-out, one hour study time for exams, and failed subjects, i don't blame them not believing in such. but as they say, we're in a level field now and anyone can be at the top. ladies and gentlemen, i accept the challenge.

while i'll be shifting to a higher gear when it comes to my pursuit of a license, i'm trying to pump the brakes and slow down my heart. i've been really enjoying textual conversations from ms. quiet but i know i shouldn't keep my hopes up. i think there's something there but it'll turn to nothing with a wrong step or a rushed decision. i know, i've been there. i'm gonna have to check my map first if i'm in the right direction...

5th of may

my mind has been battling with my heart recently and it's a close call. very close. but just as the clash was taking place, someone discretely found her way to my heart. nights of refreshing exchange of text messages made me forget for a while that i was obsessed with a butterfly. ms. observant glances, you have no idea how much those simple words you pressed made my sleep more sound...

counted down the minutes 'til the 5th of may, i hope i was the first to wish you a happy birthday. coincidentally, the day you were born was the same day a butterfly was born. how about that? i wished her a happy birthday too. she still hangs around in my head even if my heart is on a shift.

but birthdays aren't the only cause for celebration this day. dinner with 3 of my closest friends was nice, reminded me that i'm very lucky to have people like them in my life. for once, i can be myself again, no pretensions and no restrains, just Ron. it would've been nice if the night never had to end but duty calls, work for them and review for me. this fun-filled night will be enough to keep me in a good mood all day long tomorrow.

peterpan to tinkerbell II

it's a bit hazy. i didn't think this day would come. i'm a bit confused though. what happened to your man? how did you tell him about us? well, i really don't care. you're with me now. so this is what it feels like to be with you. feels much like heaven. but what's this? morning sunshine? oh yeah, i knew this was too good to be true! can someone knock me out please, i need to get back to my dream...

another "i don't ever wanna wake up" dream that felt so real. so real that even in dreamland, i was afraid i'm not strong enough for you. in a world where everything can go my way, i was happy yet troubled. but we can work it out, i'll do my best to meet your needs, all you have to do is exist. i ask for nothing more.

too bad, you're tinkerbell and i'm peterpan. and the place between asleep and awake is the only place for this nonsense. it's the only place where i'll be waiting because for the record, i won't be waiting for you here.

the next best thing

my fingers are a bit sore as i try to gather my thoughts. for the first time in i don't know how long, i got my hand on a guitar. i saw it on my way up to my room and the strings just called me. it was out of tune. after twisting knobs, changing keys, and listening to the sounds, i was again my own rockstar.

i used to lock up in my room, listening to cassette tapes, singing my lungs out and pounding my guitar. saturday morning jams with the band, renting studios, and living the dream. yeah, i thought we'd make it big. in a way, maybe we did. performing in front of the whole highschool population, it was a ride seeing people bob their heads as i sing lines from a catchy tune. a third place finish, not bad.

but that was then. though i still want to pursue the dream, things are different now. a couple of times i'd compose a song but midway through i'd stop. no one will hear it anyway, what's the use? i think i'm too old to start realizing the quest to become a singer/songwriter. i guess drugs should do for now.

2 months 'til he pharmacy board exam, i'm still playing time. i should get my act together and follow another dream, vindication. a top finish would definitely turn heads. too much pressure to put on my own shoulder, maybe. but i like to look at myself as someone who won't crumble under pressure but instead rise to the occasion and take charge.

i can't do this on my own though. friends, i need your prayers. a push from God would be instrumental to my quest for glory, and your prayers would give me just that. i'll owe you big time!

just friends

i've always wondered if by any chance she happens to read the words that i write. it's quite possible the annoying "Ron has updated his Friendster Blog" emails sparked some curiosity. either way, it's all been done. whether she reads this or not, the fact of the matter is, all my thoughts, pro-heart or pro-mind, are already published for everyone to see.

for the past few weeks i've been forcing myself to believe that this is nothing. i keep telling myself that even if this is something, it'll all amount to nothing. she's in love for pete's sake! but sadly, so am i...

a case of wrong timing? or simply a case of falling for the wrong person for all the right reasons? i'll leave it all up to God. i feel like i've been shoved in the friend zone anyway. for a while there i thought i had a chance. a night of drunk love-talk with friends somehow convinced me that i'm not against a brick wall. a few exchanges of text quotes only made it worse, i'm starting to become what i hate.

but the latest sms recieved was a "friendship" quote. that'll keep my thoughts straight. forgive me if i can't stop thinking about you, i just can't help it. i'll do the best i can to be your friend and nothing more. so help me God.

the euro-med cavite experience: the final chapter

wednesday, 19th of april, time to go home. i walked outside waiting for a bus to manila. i looked up and saw a beautiful morning sky. the sun was shining brightly, the clouds were moving slowly, a great mental picture to remember cavite by. it was the last time i saw cavite, until this day.

we were to pick up today some things, not suitable for bus travel. tv, dvd, electric fans and some excess baggage. now it's time to say our last goodbye to the house. i must admit that although it was not the most comfortable of places, i missed it. the experience, living with women, discovering people, befriending an inspration, is definitely an experience that i'll never forget.

after picking up all our belongings, my 2 companions suggested a quick visit to tagaytay. sure. the 2 were the housemates that i had some words for. but it's all in the past now, im not one to let some bad feelings get out of hand and blow out of proportion. in the end, it was a great trip to people's park in the sky, pictures are proof. i just wish that the butterfly was there. she was making her presence felt, from butterfly-shaped cakes to butterfly keychains. i see her everywhere. how can i clip her wings if everything i see reminds me of her? i need a change of heart...