i thought last night's typographic release of emotions was enough to put me at ease. now here i am, quarter to two in the morning and feeling worse than ever. why am i still here?
the other night i got a couple of tickets for a movie. great. one for me and one for... crap, there's no one there. i tried to invite mercury but as fate would have it, she had other plans. i thought of others but in the middle of pushing numbered buttons i stopped. didn't want to send the wrong signals. in the end i had to give up and give the tickets to my sister and her bf instead.
soon the sun will rise. a few hours short of a good sleep later, i'll be back to my job. a job of pretending that everything is going good, pretending i am strong. throwing smiles and jokes all around, numbing the mind, sedating the heart. a few unproductive hours later i'll be on that ride home alone again, thinking, asking. why am i still here?
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