confession

a couple of months before the disconnection, i started to think. the casual grassy walk to the bus stop was nothing but a mindjob. why am i here? is this really worth it? a week after, the questions progressed. what if i am single right now? should i stop this now?

but i was too comfortable. i was happy. i ignored the 4-hour sleeps. i ignored my worn-out body. i ignored all the questions in my head.

my faith was tainted. i started thinking for myself and i began to doubt. if this is the real thing then why is it this hard? it did make other things easier but the connection itself was a drag.

wish granted ron, now what? i did anything and everything to bounce back. and i'm almost there, i just need to gain a few more pounds then i'm good. with nothing left to lose and a new inspiration, i dove in.

i rubbed my eyes and realized it was just an oasis. the pool did not exist and the girl was just a ghost.

what's next?

drift

the broken lines are coming fast, the spaces hardly seen. familiar sounds fill the air, laughter filling the void. regrets, dreams, every imaginable thought made a few hours on the open road felt like a lifetime.

the night was alive, a few coins making it more interesting. the bottles took me to bed but not before taking a big step. i took advantage of the hindered thought process and made the move. it took a couple of days but i got all the time in the world.

i fell short, i felt short. that's the way the ball rolled, that's the way my head rolled. it means nothing but it meant something.

thanks for the blind chase, it was fun while it lasted.

eleanor

out of nowhere you came. i was so focused on the task at hand that you caught me offguard. my feet unconciously brought me next to you. a mere stranger yet i was drawn. i didn't mind as my dark shirt failed to hide the sweat from that day's work, i just wanted to sit beside you.

days passed and i'm thinking i need another event to see you. misinterpreted as usual but i didn't care. everybody was thinking i wanted to see her again after the infamous encounter of major coincidental proportions. but it was you i wanted to see again. it was you that made that supposed to be awkward encounter easy. and for that i'm thankful. you're making a difference in my life without even trying to. in time i'll be able to make these words make sense to you but for now there will be no light. not just yet. our struggles with the past still haunts us from time to time making us vulnerable to false pretenses.

in order for me to have something i never had before, i have to do something i never did before. i hope it's not too late.

unchained

in a what-the-heck mood, i went for it. i consumed my adversary piece by piece just waiting for its retaliation but there was none. i felt a sudden increase in my body temperature but it dissipated quickly. i was in disbelief. just got lucky i guess.

a week later, the enemy was there again staring at me daring me to dig in. but she was not alone. i was a bit hesitant at first but i have to know now. i have to know if this thing inside me is gone. i have to know if i'm already cured.

so i went for the kill. using my bare hands i tore them apart, devouring every bit. my hands started to panic as they felt a bit prickly. but there was no turning back, i have to finish what i started. and i did. there were body parts everywhere.

and there it was. i am cured and what perfect timing. the no meat policy was in place this good friday. i am now free of the curse of my forbidden food. no more itching, no more swelling, no more patches. God is truly great and miracles still happen.

and as for you crabs and shrimps, it's been years so you better have eyes at the back of your heads because i'm coming to get ya!