who broke my mug?

mugs. the ever so popular gift item that everybody receives during the holidays. and instead of throwing them away or keeping them together with the i'll-think-of-what-i'll-do-with-you-later stuff, i use them whichever way i can. i have 3 mugs sitting in my room, 2 for pens and another for just about anything. i have another 4 mugs in the office, 2 for pens and the other 2 for coffee. one from home and the other from her. the latter became the instant favorite and the other forgotten.

then my mug went missing. i needed my daily kick of caffeine but my mug is nowhere to be found. who has it? who used it without my consent? i had no time to figure it out so i just used a not so special coffee cup. then after my first sip, someone gave me a clue on my mug's whereabouts. "i saw a mug near the trash and i think it's broken." i checked it out right away and there it was, lying broken on the floor like a dead robber killed by a vigilante. the only thing missing was the white chalk to trace the oultine of its remains.

so who broke my mug? was it the utility guy who washes the dishes? was it the guy who told me he saw it broken? no one would take responsibility. i can point fingers all day but that's just it, there is no point.

maybe it was me who broke that mug after all.

poker face

everything is a game. i started out with only a handful and next thing you know i’m at half a million. then the following week i’m flat broke. life can be cruel sometimes but you can’t hate the players, it’s the game of chance that is to blame.

the adventures and misadventures i have had the past year and a half didn’t start without taking risks. i took the risk, throwing caution to the wind. i knew that it was a dead-end journey but that didn’t stop me, didn’t stop us. it was worth it i think.

ante up. and i went all-in. i won big time. i won time and time again, losing a few scratches here and there but i was unstoppable, nowhere but up. i was on a high. then it all came crashing down. quit while you’re ahead i thought. but i was doing so good that i didn’t mind the losses. i’ll get them back. i went all-in with bulletproof hands but i kept on losing time and time again, winning a few scratches here and there, going nowhere fast. until finally i lost everything i had with only a rank status to remind everyone that i was once at the top of this game.

now i play this game with caution, with more folds than all-in’s. inch by inch i’m crawling my way up the ladder. getting more and more confident as i win the tables. sooner or later i’ll be the risk taker again, piling up the victories. one wrong push of a button then it’ll all be gone once again. but this time i know better. i just need to find me a seat.

the next page

unforeseen events led to the sudden conclusion of the infamous Misadventures of Roni G! i've made a makeshift blog somewhere with less than 10 readers but it didn't fill the void. it was about the wrong person but was made for all the right reasons. time to turn a new leaf. on to the next page.

irish spring

so i had a really rough day. i still haven't figured out what to do to distract myself from the ever lonely train ride to work. everyday is still a struggle. i thought i had it all figured out. i was happy, i was having a good time, i've met a lot of new people, everything was going great. even i was convinced that i was doing great. have i been lying to myself all along?

compliments came from all angles, no one had a clue i was still having this crappy feeling. i looked good and felt good so i thought i was good. there was even a time when i asked myself, if i had one wish right now, what would it be? of course she popped in my head easily but somehow i lost interest. then i thought i would rather not have a wish right now for i really don't know what i want anymore.

and now here i am again. same old sh*t. typing words coming out of nowhere.

i clearly understand that the odds of me giving up is the same as she coming back. yeah, i could imagine you reading this right now, pausing for a couple of seconds just to raise that hand gesture of an "L" in your forehead. go on, knock yourself out. say anything you want about me. i just wish this doesn't happen to you. of course there are people who have worse problems than me thinking we should trade places. but do they seriously think that knowing these things will make things better for me? or even for them for that matter. oh crap, i'm throwing punches under water again, i need to stop.

this is me having a major relapse. far worse than the relapses i had before. great. just great.

thank you for coming, come again.