number 20

i was up in the clouds for a few days. i honestly thought i was moving. i was feeling pretty good finding out some details making me way ahead of the game. or so i thought.

the best part about celebrating my birthday at the orphanage was the fact that i haven't thought of her a bit for one whole day. second best was finding out there's hope for me. even brighter than the star i saw her face and i felt butterflies in my stomach again. i need to know more about her.

this is blog number 20.

number 19

two times a dozen for two sizes up. one day away.

it was a rather interesting couple of weeks that passed. i went out on a couple of "friendly" dates, played a great game of basketball, went to my lola's place in tondo (the land of the brave), had a few drinks with a congressman, and oh yeah, i celebrated my birthday. whoop-ti-doo. ahh.. the sweet taste of sarcasm.

so what gives? why am i in a rather blogging mood? ding ding ding, we have a winner! no pun intended, there was no apostrophe before the word "ding."

i thought i was handling things quite well now. but why do i feel a cavity in my chest? everyone's happy that i've recovered. if you only knew. i was convinced myself that this was over and done. a little lie during dinner made me realize i was a fool. i was lying to myself.

i'm not back to where i started, i've made some steps forward, no question there. but i guess this is the "process," long, tiring, frustrating and fulfilling. the light at the end of the tunnel is still a mere dot, but it'll be bigger, slowly but surely.

oh and by the way, thanks to you who made my birthday special. thanks number 5!

this is blog number 19.

water under the bridge II

who would've thought i'd be having a part two of this blog. this time i must admit it's a bit early to make ends meet. 3 full months versus the more than 5 months the first time, i'm still waiting for the outcome. we decided to remain friends, but certain things such as stupid emotions got in the way. one might ask why so soon. i answered the same question myself and it was simple. i am ready.

i'm coming slow but speeding. i'm thankful for everything that has happened. i've learned a lot from this ride. now my smiles are authentic. no more poses for pictures that aren't being taken.

i've done my part. no more wishful thinking, only a level head and a brighter future ahead. the ball's on your end now. what happens next will be the guage of your maturity as well as mine.

from my post last August 10, 2005:
"...i told her that by now, the thing that happened between us should be water under the bridge. i also told her not to have the wrong idea, that i was not looking for a second chance, i just don’t want us to be bitter enemies when we can be friends..."