thanksgiving

today is the fourth thursday of november and only a few filipinos know that today is thanksgiving day. and what a great day to fall on, the 27th.

for a year and a half, i always look forward to this day. it was written in the stars. it was neither forced nor artificial, it was rather spontaneous on your part. remember two plus seven? it was me. how about my seven minus two? that was you.

even in the early part of this fiasco, i looked upon the 27th to save the day. and it did. i told you to wear my favorite dress of yours and you did. a little uneasy at first but i was happy you were back in my arms again.

temptation, however, was there at the end of the track. with his superficial longing for a better version of his other half and you looking for something new plus the fact that you weren’t sure of me, the rest is bound to happen.

but i’d like to say thank you. i did say that right now i am worse than when you found me. but worry not wendy, this is just something that we both have to overcome. i now understand that. next time we meet, you and i will be better. if for each other, that’s another story for heaven’s hand to write.

thank you for everything. ’til we meet again.

chance

we were still fine back then. with nothing to do on a sunday afternoon, we channel surfed and stopped on PBO with the movie One More Chance. of course i was the first to say that this is a bad idea. what would i tell all my friends? but i was hooked. even though the plot was not in our nearest concern, it aroused a bit of curiosity in us. we even joked about the lines in the movie.

then tragedy came and next thing you know, i was in the very same situation. never knew the story had a chance with us. though not entirely similar, one can’t not see the resemblance. i was pre-occupied back then and the thought of the movie only flew around my head once.

that is, until a very lonely train ride home where everybody hurts. and couples showing their love even hurt more. there was this couple sharing a headset, watching a movie on their PSP. it was popoy and basha. the movie was haunting me.

so i decided to download it and watch the entirety myself. i’m now at an hour and twenty-three minutes and somehow i knew what i wanted all this time. i want my trisha. but unlike the ending, i want my trisha to be my last. there are only a handful of people who are willing to accept you for who you are, for what you’ve been through. people say that my next is unfortunate, coming into the shadow of my star. i beg to differ. my next would be the luckiest girl in the world for i would give her everything she ever wanted. i have learned that i can never change. i would still love whole-heartedly, regardless of the pain.

i’d still have to finish the movie but knowing how the story ends, i have to agree with derob on this one. it would be better if the happy ending would be at different ends. i’ll be over you soon, thanks.

more to lose

now i walk alone. and while walking alone, all thoughts of loneliness overshadow my purpose. the deafening sound of my heart breaking can sometimes be so unbearable that i almost open the floodgates. the only comfort i get aside from the One above is the nostalgia of old painful songs playing over and over again in my head.

so personalized were the lyrics of this piece that i can’t resist giving it a post.

We used to cry about the day when one of us might fall, weak and blindly into another’s arms. Demands are gained from jealousies, would flow like water drowning us but leaving us with just another lover’s false alarm.

And now it’s over. Both of us free. But I feel colder.

A thousand tortured lives have fallen, wounded dying, cut down by the questions that we’ve sharpened just to save our losing days. We thought we’d nothing more to lose, we’d tear our hearts with jagged truths and everything we’d hung to for so long just slipped away.

And now it’s over. Both of us free. But I feel colder.

I was tired of thinking that our love can shine your thoughts, of our arrangements were really not like mine. I thought it over and it was plain to see the love you said you once needed could just not come from me.

And now it’s over. Both of us free. But I feel colder.

And now we’re moving to new beginnings, but as we move we looked once behind to see what we might find out. Lost loves and old thoughts of our nights of winnings. That lunge, tear and grasp at lost wanting minds.

Seona Dancing - More to Lose

fast times, slow hearts

seven days ago i woke up in the coldness of the thin sheets and low temperatures. now i wake up in the coldness of being alone. how time flies but i’m not having fun. next thing you’ll know it’s already st. patrick’s day and i’m still in this slump.

last night i tried to relieve some of my emotional stress by having dinner with friends. but a bump on the road on one and an annoying decision by another, i was there waiting alone. a few minutes passed and i’m starting to think about her. and like a snowball rolling into an avalanche, the thoughts progressed and i was agitated. a few calls more and a few excuses later i got fed up and left. i can’t take the loneliness anymore, waiting for people that are either late or won’t even come at all.

what should’ve been a release of stress turned out to be another night on my bed. the night was predestined for me to savor the bitter taste of defeat. my heart is in slow motion going into it’s “i’m over you” phase. your heart on the other hand is in slow motion getting there. the sooner you get there, the sooner i’ll move on.

trance

with a few bottles and some awkward moments, i started to think again. bad influences of booze and worst was in the offering. am i missing that much? but the urge lasted for a mere 10 seconds. it wasn’t me. i don’t get my kick from the bad. i want to but i can’t. i wont be happy with it anyway. i lied my ass away to get away from it. next thing i knew i was looking for the sandman once again.

with Him on my side table, i started to calm down a bit. a few moments more and i was in a trance. we were having dinner, talking the night away. then suddenly there was this hunger of yours to see him. you got out of the building and jumped on the first jeepney you saw. it was still moving even but you didn’t mind. you’re dying to see him no matter what. i run after you to convince you to stop the madness but to no avail. when i realized that it was a lost cause, i started to wet my cheeks. you were there looking at me as if i’m having the time of my life. you never flinched. that’s when i woke up.

from LRT to MRT

just a while ago i was in “screw you all” mode but after hearing the nostalgic voices playing in my winamp playlist, i’m back to contemplating and regrouping. for the past weeks i’ve been drowning myself with sad tunes and unanswered questions, going a few months back i remember Love, Respect and Trust as the keys. i had that then, now it’s Misery, Regret and Tragedy.

i still care enough not to let anything bad happen. that’s why right now, i’m thinking of your LRT formula. Love - getting there, Respect - getting there if not there already, and Trust - perhaps questionable. i just wish the formula has changed. if this still stands, then trouble awaits, MRT is just a stone-throw away.