crash

just before kaemi, locally known as glenda, totally lost its strength, i was able to squeeze in a few dvd hours. 1 movie stood out. prior to winning the oscars, conan considered crash as one of the best of the year. and what conan says, i believe.

talk about racial issues, this film says it all but it's not the theme that stands out. i was awed at how their lives are somewhat interconnected and at how complex people are. a seemingly bad guy turns out to have a heart of gold, a good guy kills a man, a man doing the right thing is actually doing what is wrong, it was crazy! and i love it!

brokeback mountain vs. crash, my heart is torn... NOT! i don't plan on seeing two cowboys get it on. i'd prefer watching freddie prinze jr. and his chick flicks if i'm looking for a love story.

weathering the storm

there used to be a time when a "no classes" bulletin makes my day. it's been raining non-stop since last week and classes have been suspended for a couple of days. it all means nothing to me now. just another day for the unemployed to miss the sun.

with nothing to do at home, i sleep until the sound of the storm wakes me up. a throbbing headache was my reward for sleeping all day. i'll take it rather than feeling worthless thinking about what's next and what's missing.

next up: the big J. less than a week 'til the oathtaking ceremonies, i'm running out of time. and it's not like there's nothing out there. i've been offered job opportunities but i just don't feel like it's the right job for me. maybe not yet. as much as i (and mostly my mom) want to have a job ASAP, i'm taking my time waiting for the right job to show its face.
i should fight the pressure and do what i think is right.

missing: a love to share. a few days ago a friend asked me how to get over a person. a few hours later another friend asked me the same question. being covered in rain was apparently inevitable in july. i was suddenly joe d' mango, or better yet ron d' mango, RPh! i shared my expertise in standing up from a fall and moving on. and there's nothing to it really, all we need is time. and keeping yourself busy with work is a good way of passing time.

i'll take my own advice, keep myself busy with work. yeah, i definitely need a job.

The Big J

no, this is not about the living legend of philippine basketball Robert Jaworski, i'm talking about the other big j, or more appropriately the quest for a big j, a job.

now that my academic life is over and the licensure exam is in the bag, i'm now pressured to look for work. don't get me wrong, it's not that i don't want to work and help out, it's just that i don't want to rush this, this could make or break my life. but i guess i don't have that luxury anymore, the effects of my 2 year college extension are taking its toll on me.

like my career choice in college, i'm going in blind. i was accepted in ateneo de manila in their BS math program, and though math was my thing, the location and the tuition fee scared my parents. next stop was mechanical engineering at UST. i was all set until my grandpa persuaded me to take a different path. apparently UP manila reconsiders UPCAT examinees who didn't make the quota but still had high scores. with UP's less-than-a-cellphone's worth tuition fee together with promises from my parents (which by the way were never fulfilled), i took the chance and put my future in the hands of the UP manila registrar. industrial pharmacy was where i'm headed but in time i have grown to love this course that i used to despise. and now here i am, a registered pharmacist.

after sending out my distress signal, helping hands were aplenty. job openings here and there, tips from experienced colleagues, the support was overwhelming. and though the most common advice was to decide on where i want to be, whether hospital, manufacturing or whatever, bottom line is, i don't have to think about it carefully. another ear-popping "look for a job" speech would make me ship out of this joint and take whatever job there is just to say "you happy?" when the real question should be "am i happy?"

SOS

everytime i think of the good news, i can't help but look up to the heavens and offer a prayer of thanks. 4 days after receiving my "RPh" name-extension, i still have some circulating adrenalin in my body. but the decline of it is anything but slow. i'm settling back to my old routine, still looking for the fast-forward button.

i may have planned to go back to this but back then i thought it would be fun. it's the Same Old Sh*t, waking up past noon, looking for anything to eat, surf the net, watch cable tv, stay up late... the life of a bum. it was fun and all but now it's just dragging. i think this chapter of my life should have a dot and the only way to do it is to put a gun on its head and pull the trigger myself.

so what's next? being a grown-up. as much as i hate to be one, i have to be one. though i still have a couple of pending victory parties, i'll take this time to jumpstart the turning of a new leaf. the distress signal has been sent. SOS. i need a job. somebody throw me a lifejacket.

solitude check

in the midst of the celebrations, i felt a sudden emptiness, like my heart stopped its beating to catch my attention. maybe it's the sad songs randomly playing on my desktop or maybe its just the fact that my heart has been screaming for something to quench its thirst. i'm now free from the clutches of the licensure exams. i'm now free to mend a lonely heart...

for the second day in a row, my mornings are upbeat, still celebrating my first days as a professional, but the nights tell a different story. i guess being in a cave where the walls are all numbers and generic names took its toll on me. a snowball full of thoughts of finding the one has started rolling...

let me check my "love for dummies: hopeless romantic edition" book. hmmm... oh yeah, the classic "don't look for love, let love look for you" cliche. yeah right, that'll work. i think the author of the book, if there is such a book, was probably looking at me as his guinea pig. another quote goes: "If you want to catch a butterfly don't run after it. instead sit down and open your hand. it will just land on your palm when it needs to rest. That's the way to find love." i've been sitting down for quite sometime now, still no butterflies. i think my butterfly prefers someone running after her and cathing her with a net. lucky me.

the solitude drama has begun. i can't wait for my quarter life crisis.

bliss

the 2nd day of exams created mixed reactions. i for one thought it was relatively easier than the 1st day while the others had a different opinion. either way, what's important is that it's all over and done. time to brace ourselves for the waiting game.

what they said was true, it's harder waiting for the exam results than studying for the exam itself. i would gladly trade-in the 2 days of waiting for the 2 months i spent studying. if only it was possible. i can only think of 1 remedy and that's not to think about it at all. i got to get my mind as far from thoughts of the exam as possible.

the day after the last day of exams, i drowned myself in dvd's. fun with dick and jane, scary movie 4, anything to cheer me up. i even finished the koreanovela "my girl," which by the way was awesome! aja! even before the exam, Joo yoo rin (or jasmine in the ABS-CBN version) would make me laugh and help me in coping with exam stress. i would always whisper to myself a shout of "aja!" of "fighting!" and that would keep me going.

july the 8th. i knew this would be the day of reckoning. the PRC website was down for almost a month now. thank you philippine government, that didn't help at all! the day's delivery of manila bulletin was still 6 hours away, the bulletin website still showed the headlines of the 7th. i took a chance by clicking on breaking news and saw "669 hurdle pharmacist licensure exam." my heart started pounding. i clicked on the link: The Professional Regulation Commission (PRC) announces that 669 out of 1,209 passed the Pharmacist Licensure Examination given by the Board of Pharmacy... blah blah, where's my name?! the report only presented the numbers and the exam's top 10. the list of successful examinees was missing. just great.

the tension was building up, now i know that the results are in but just can't seem to find it. i went to different newspaper websites but they only offered previous results and not ours. luckily i stumbled on a link in philstar.com. bingo!

GENER, ANNE PAULINE TAPIA
GEPILANO, MICHELLE HERALDO
GIVERA, KATHLYN JOY RONOLO
GO, RON GILBERT GARCIA <--- YEAH BABY!
GOMEZ, MA GISELLA CHARISMA SAN PEDRO
GONZALES, NOLA PAREJA

i knew i was the first to know so i sent messages to every direction. first, to the other examinees anxiously waiting for my text. even in a small screen of letters i can feel their joy, i was feeling the same bliss. then i announced it to the world, my name is now an "RPh" longer. text messages and calls of congratulations were piling up even at 2 in the morning. i was overwhelmed. i thought twice if i should wake up my parents but what the heck! i was just holding back a scream and a jump for joy. and the way my mom said "talaga?!" was reward enough. she was so happy that she jumped out of bed, woke up my dad and insisted on seeing my name on the computer screen firsthand. happy is definitely an understatement to what i felt last night; i think i slept with a grin tattooed on my face.

now comes the biggest step. work. to be part of the workforce. but until the oathtaking ceremony at the manila hotel on august 1, i ain't gonna think about work or anything. i'm gonna savor this moment of my life 'til its last drop! party up biatches!!!

the underdog

and then came july 4. months of studying and limited partying, everything boils down to this. the mind was set, the prayers were already offered, nothing left to do but finish.

i've been writing about how i want to be at a top spot at the end of this. last night while i was trying to sleep, i asked myself: why do i want to be at a top spot? for vindication? for bragging rights? i guess i really want this because of it's improbability.everyone wants a cinderella story. we all cheer for the underdog.

i think i fell asleep last night. i wasn't sure. i went to bed as early as 9pm but the combination of poor sleeping habits and an uneasy mind was not a good recipe for sleep. i think i was asleep 12-12:30am. by 3am i gave up on sleeping and got-up to start the day.

6:30am at MLQU, the ball started rolling. pharmaceutical chemistry at 8am was average, almost 70% of the questions were familiar. phamacognosy at 11am was a bit easier with more than 80% of the questions routine. but the practice of pharmacy at 1:30pm was a struggle. the lack of sleep was taking its toll on me and the questions only made it worse. almost all of the questions were the "what the f??!" type. by this time i knew the top spot had already slipped away from my hands...

it would definitely be a miracle, no make that a HUGE miracle if my name will have a number right next to it when the results are published. but you'll never know. God might be rooting for the underdog. never underestimate the power of a prayer.

gratitude

25 hours left before i get up from bed, and face the biggest test of my 23-year existence. i'm now at the starting grid, anxiously waiting for the bang of the gun and hoping for no false-starts and a podium finish. my fingers are crossed.

last night i started to send out petitions for prayers. almost everyone responded positively to my request, one even called me up to say her encouragements (thanks kim!). after the flurry of well-wishers, i called up an old friend to try to subdue my concerns and push my confidence level up a notch. the conversation was more of a casual talk rather than a plead for advices and encouraging words. it worked like a charm because after hanging up the phone, i had one of the soundest sleep i had in months (thanks gene!). and to all who prayed for me and are continuously praying for my board exam success, i thank you from the bottom of my heart.

*a July 2 2006 post would not be complete without mad props to pacman. thanks to manny pacquiao for winning the fight because a lost would have been a devastating blow to my own campaign. my utmost respect goes out to oscar larios for being a class act, a grateful sportsman even in enemy territory. i also commend the filipino fans for not booing the mexican, supporting their hero with cheers but not disrespecting the adversary. (earl strickland should learn from this, respect will gain you respect.)